All I Can Say is...

A year ago yesterday I became partners with my soul mate and my, oh my what a year it has been!
We had every intentions of taking everything slow, considering we had the rest of our lives together to do anything. Move in together, start a family or what have you but we chose a different route. We moved in together immediately and within two weeks began discussing having children. Within a month it was October and we were pregnant. It all happened so fast but i can remember everything so clearly.
Before we knew it it was Christmas time and we decided we wanted to marry. New Years Eve 2011 we were wed in a small private ceremony with only immediate family and grandparents present. It was a beautiful, simple and perfect wedding and you couldn't even tell the bride was pregnant.
Fast forward to May 2012...
Baby Leo was born. A happy, healthy, preemie baby being born an entire month too soon. Our lives have been changed for the better and I couldn't have asked for more.I feel complete, fulfilled, and I'm am the happiest I have ever been in my whole life.
Welcome to the next stage in life. Here's a health to the company!

Walking, no, running. Not away, but head first into life.

Not long ago I woke to a grand epiphany. I had been waiting for a change to happen with my life for too long now. In waking from said epiphany I realized that change isn't just going to happen. I can't just sit and wait for this grand life altering transformation.

I thus realized that I am the change. I am the only one who can start my life transformation. With support from my family I KNOW I can do anything that I need to do to live and prosper and be happy.

I can see my goals more clearly now than ever. I have the determination I need now to finally make something of myself.

I know I have talent and I have a very loving heart that I openly wear on my sleeve for all to see.

I have found my happiness and I have found my soul mate. I have love, family and friends and that's all I need. No more drugs, no more booze, and no more pain, torment and drama that would come hand in hand with said behavior. Drugs just aren't fun for me anymore.

Wish me luck. Here I go, into my new life full of joy and clarity. No more pain. No more suffering.

Love conquers all.

Lies, betrayals, deceit and frendships drowned and torn asunder.

Wrong me once, shame on you. Wrong me twice, shame on me. He was our mate, our brother, until very recent. I tried to help him, however he doesn't want help. I just don't understand how someone can ruin ALL of their friendships in one fell swoop. I understand what he did to ruin said relationships, what I'm lacking to grasp here is the mere question of "Why?"

I'm just fed up. Sick of him. Sick of the whining, the bitching, the empty threats, and the whole "Poor me. Pity me." horseshit. It's all just a load of complete and utmost imbecility.

I wanted the best. I wanted to help. I wanted to fix him more than he wanted to try. What foolishness! What nonsense! It's lunacy and I am not going to subject myself to it any longer.

I've been suffering from PTSD and MRSA so quite frankly, I don't have the extra strength to deal with his damned meaningless problems for him. Put the damn pipe and bottle down already and learn to be a man. Grow some balls and a brain whilst you're at it.

Good luck. Good bye. Good riddance.

The special two

Today my dreams came true. The man of my dreams has become my significant other. I've waited, hoping, praying that it wasn't too late and that I didn't ruin the chance to be together.

It feels like my heart, once broken and empty, is now mended and teeming with utmost joy. It almost feels like a dream.

I thought for sure I would never get the chance to show you how much you mean to me, to show you how much I care and how deeply I love and admire every little piece of you. Mind, body, and soul. For some time it was as though we would never be together and it killed me everyday. I felt like I was losingmy mind. Scattered thoughts, confused, as if I were living in a dream-state only it was a nightmare.

I can breathe again. I can sing again. The world has returned to my fingertips for me to manipulate and enjoy. Life is mine and I'm going to live it to the fullest.

Every day God gives me breath I will thank him for you. I can breathe again...

Nothing can block my path through life. We will hold hands and break down walls that stand in our way. Forging new paths of our own. Being there for each other to catch us when we fall. Always having a shoulder to cry or lean on.

Because we were the special two and we'll be again.

Falling. Not slowly. Not easy. Head over heels in love.

It feels like I'm drowning. My heart feels swollen, I can't concentrate, I feel like my heart could burst! Oh the things you do to my mind, my heart, my body..... Stay. Don't go away. Love me like I know you do. Let me love you back.

I've never been more sure about anything. I'm not scared anymore. I'm ready for this. I'm ready to love again. It's about damn time I get the chance to be yours.

If nothing lasts forever, I'll glady be your nothing.

It's been a while

The last time I can honestly remember having a blog was back in junior high school, and what is there really to blog about when you are thirteen? That being said, I have so much to say and now I have somewhere to say it.

This takes place one week after having surgery.

My father tried to attack me today. I couldn't run away or dodge him without fearing the worst for my incisions, so I fell to the floor and went into fetal position.
Once he realized my mother wouldn't let him near me, he stole her car and took off.

A few hours later my father txtd me apologizing. (yes, there is ALWAYS a catch with him.) not ten seconds after I accept his apology he begins cutting me down and telling me he could have done whatever he wanted to.

Mind you, for the past 15 years my parents have helped me see that we control our actions. As I point this out to him, he decides he wants the upper hand again and tries to say that I'm worthless and that I have sex for drugs. Wrong. I am NOT worthless. Wrong. I would never.

Somehow the planets have aligned and now I am the voice of reason whilst my father gets to fuck up.

Very strange.